Monday, June 15, 2009

Itsy bitsy spider…YEA RIGHT!!!

Well superman had kryptonite
and I have my fear of spiders…it’s the damnest thing snake,

I’ll eat them for breakfast but a SPIDER!!!!

Let’s just say I don’t like them at all. You may remember a spider story from a hiking trip on the Sipsey a few years ago
Well it seems to me they are out to get me in the last couple of days. Here is my new spider story. Ha-ha.

Let me start off by saying my dad and I went fishing again last Saturday (we caught a boat load of bass and brim this time, I might add) I decided to even up my tan by wearing a sleeveless shirt. Well it worked, but my upper arms and shoulders got sunburned. I know, I know what does this have to do with a spider. Well Sunday night I was helping the family put a puzzle together, when all of a sudden I feel something crawling up my arm to my neck. I looked and yep you guessed it one big ass SPIDER.
Well I slapped at it with my right hand (I guess I don’t know my own strength) I flattened it like a pancake, but in the process, I slapped the crap out of my sunburn armed. Ouchhhh!!! That hurt…but the big attack came the very next day.

Spider attack day two; I went to work Monday morning like a good boy and made it all the way to lunch without an attack. Then it happened; I was on my way home for lunch and I stopped off at the gas station to get some gas. I pumped my gas and got back into the truck; then it happened. I felt something crawling up my right arm this time, so I took a look…another big ASS SPIDER!!! About an inch from my face, this time I recognized the beast as a daddy long leg spider.

Normally I can tolerate these spiders (I remember playing with them as a kid) but something snapped in me and I gave the spider a mighty swipe with my hand. Then came the bad news…the spider was gone but no where to be found. I searched for a few seconds with no luck…I assumed I desintegrated it…WRONG!!! Just as I was putting my truck in gear I felt something on my left shoulder…Damn!!! The Monster was back,

so again I gave the spider a mighty swipe this time with enough force to kill a small elephant and this time I do believe I squealed like a little girl. Again no spider to be found, but this time as I looked up what do I see…a spider…NO!!! THIS TIME MUCH WORSE…two young girls in the car next to me having the laugh of their life time while looking at me flailing around in the truck trying to get the spider. So I did what any man would do…I tried to look cool as I drove away from the gas station. (It did not work, I looked like a dork…I’m sure. Ha-ha)
Well I did make it home, made a sandwich sat down in front of the TV to eat…and the damnest thing happened…I felt something crawling up my left shoulder again…it was the same monster zombie spider
from the gas station here to suck my blood or eat my face. Well all I can say is I’m glad there was no one around to see the fight between me and the mighty spider…oh just so you will know… I kicked that spider's ass that time.
Not really sure why I shared this story with you…I guess I just found it funny. Well funny now…not very funny at the time…unless you were the girls in the car next to me…they found it hilarious…


mq01 said...

i love that pic of the spider over the city, LOL!!!!!!! im having a fight with one particular spider in my house as we speak. the f'er is to fast to kill...damn...

tera said...

Now, I know what a Daddy Longlegs is. I know what a Tarantula is. I know, also, what a Black Widow is. But what the heck is a big "Ass" Spider??


All my sympathies, I hate the damned things, too!

the rider said...

I'm with you on this one Bro., I'm like a bloody girl when it comes to spiders! We also get big ass spiders here on the Cape West Coast and one in particular called "Red Roman", it's big, it's aggressive and it's fast! So far, (touch wood) not in my house but my friends have had 'em, that's when you'll see a "For sale" sign!
Nice muzac by the way.

Sheila Mitchell said...

Thats funny!!! I laughed all the way thru! Actually we have had an episode like that in my husbands truck. The sucker made it home for a bit, but I think he's gone now! P.S. we hate the jumpy-ones!

Lady Ridesalot said...


Your too funny! I had to laugh about you being caught by the girls... being a big tough guy an all. I never would have figured that a guy who calls himself "Big Al" is scared of spiders.

Thanks for a great story, and a good laugh. Have a nice day... Spiderman!

iBria said...

I hate spiders too so creepy.

chessie said...

Spiders don't bother me, but snakes do. My hubby and I were collecting Pygmy rattler snakes to sell to Hoss down at the Miami Serpenttarium....put them in gunny sacks and tied them tight.

Had about 10 in a couple of sacks in the bed of the truck. Hubby was removing sacks and came across an empty one. Meaning one got out. He looked for it, it was a no show. Weeks later, the little bastard hisses at me...he WAS UNDER THE SPARE TIRE! I screamed grabbed my three year old daughter, left the truck in the Winn Dixie Parking lot. We walked 3 miles home, and I never drove that truck again.

Yeah, I know what it feels like...snakes, spiders...fear is fear...and they all stink...

You know, I really liked this story, gave a sensitive side to ya!

MeanDonnaJean said...

I've hadda bee in my boobs, a prayin' mantis on my head, a cockroach on my leg, a snake coiled at my feet and plenty o' daddy-long-leg-spiders climbin' up beside me....but never have I hadda spider sittin' ON me. However, YOU my dear must have some kinda super spiderrific scent simply oozin' off ya to attract those suckers. Either that or yer just plain' ol' sweet 'n juicy!

GYMONR said...

MQ01: house spiders...They are the worse

TERA: a big ass spider looks like the one that crawls on my neck when I’m not looking. Ha-ha

THE RIDER: yea I think the spider fear is a guy thing…we’re not alone. Oh yea, I’m glad you liked the music, I almost fell out when I found that song.

SHEILA MITCHELL: yea funny now…but a terror before. Ha-ha

LADY RIDESALOT: glad I could entertain you…yea I was thinking of changing my nickname to Spiderman…but I have to admit the name scares me just a bit…ha-ha.

CHESSIE: Snakes in a pickup!!! And I thought I had it bad with spiders.

IBRIA: well I guess you can tell by now I think they are creepy too. Welcome aboard.

MEANDONNAJEAN: Ha-ha, I would have paid good money to see you swat at the bee trapped between your boobs…now that’s funny.
Big Al

springbaby said...

I hate spiders, too. We have these nasty ones called wolf spiders -- I swear they could drag a small child off into the woods. Ok, I'm exaggerating but really, they're NASTY! Worst part is, my cat doesn't even bat an eye at them and I'm left trying to kill the suckers but give him one of those that you can barely see and he's all over it! Last night, he found two and ate about NASTY! Thanks for I know I'm not the only one who hates them!

Pinky said...

Too funny! I enjoyed the read. My husband, big man that he is, too is afraid of the Big Ass Spiders and the itsy bitsy spiders, too.

Weze's Wanderings said...

Big Al...that is funny. I loved the spider stoy and imagined the gas station event as if I was one of the little girls in the car laughing. I see you flailing around swatting at the monster. Very cute indeed. I also have a fear the same way with roaches of any sort, large or small. I will make a fool of myself no matter where I am if one is even nearby. May you home stay spider free.

Fiddle Mike said...

I like spiders even though one of the Ass spiders bit me on the ass (don't reckon it was a Big Ass spider).
I'd have give a dollar to have been at the gas station to see the girls' reaction.

RazorsEdge2112 said...

What, no pictures?

RazorsEdge2112 said...

Oh, did I tell ya the time I almost pee'd on a rattle snake? Sorry... no pictures. :-D

Kittibee said...

hay Al :) having recently moved to the mountains in Ireland ^^ Im surrounded by woods @@ ha ha although I havent seen any yet I know there are spiders in that wood @@ .. now maybe they have sense the fear scent I spread when confronted with 8 legs ! I have only seen a tarantula on tv although my partner used to own one ! @@ .. thankfully now he has a parrot who consequently is named AL ! he talks too ha ha ... maybe he is eating them all i dont know for sure ! .... so I hope that gives you a smile today ... Big Al may be scared of spiders but ! lil Al from Ireland eats em ^^ ...Kittibee he he

IowaHarleyGirl (Stephanie) said...

I'm with on not liking spiders. I've gotten better over the years being able to get rid of them but they sure do give me the willys!

Julie said...

You do realize that spiders are our friends, right? I mean they kill other icky insects that we don't want in the house. I've had spiders in my shower before that I've allowed to peacefully co-exist as long as they stayed out of my personal zone. They'd be up there in the corner just hanging out and I'd say Good Morning to them, but I will admit that I have had one scary spider situation in a canoe. We were paddling along down the Wabash and I glanced down to see an enormously fat spider with a leg diameter of about 4 inches on the inside of my upper thigh. That is way inside my personal zone. I just sat there and screamed and flapped my hands until my date climbed down the canoe to pick it off of me. We almost tipped!

States I’ve traveled to over the years

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